Are You Listening To Feel The Trauma In Grief?

It's not a race; we have eternity.

My favourite Matryoshka Nesting Doll

I would expect you to respect and reflect my ways of — listening.

And so came the message that prompted this week’s post on Tuesday morning. In usual fashion, clarification came via drop-ins and confirmation signs during the week. And as with last week, the poem flowed its draft that evening.

Oh, and the “I “ in the message that heads this post was relayed to me as coming from our Earth-Mother. And before I go any further, it was emphasised that She only ever responds with love. We don’t need to think it, we need to trust it — know it — feel it.

Given the handle for my Substack; Grief, Gratitude, Love & Laughter, there is no surprise that my writing is centred around grief; how it is perceived by both mainstream-spiritual thought and the misalignment with how grief is felt — grief being an experiential aspect of human-being-ness.

Herein lies the bother — and yes, an intentional waft of the ho-hum, here-we-go-again sigh about it. Grief is not a concept — it doesn’t require thought; comparison, perception, judgement, debate, projection, attack. Nor does grief’s expression necessarily require defence from self — or others. Often, it just needs to be — it just is.

Defence can often manifest as another form of attack given it oft carries the same vehement energy and frequency of violence.

It is Universal Law; that which manifests is responding to the dominant energy being emitted. Every thought and action is communicated through a vibrational frequency. That’s how violence begets violence, an escalation of egoic ideations. How might feeling this energy impact the grieving person when seeking to be heard?

Choosing violent defence in words or actions may not be what the griever seeks in their moment of reveal? Perhaps the person expressing their trauma related grief is seeking a calming energy; a transfer of love and acceptance — silence? Love also begets love — the discourse of the soul.

Grief asks for  compassion — a present listening; attentive in offering a validating love with an open heart. It is felt; an embodied acceptance of be-ing — the humanness of our soul’s experience.

As for the rest of the handle of my Substack; as with Grief — Gratitude, Love and Laughter are part of our human experience; to be felt, unabated and free. I endeavour to reflect this openness with people whom share their stories with me.

This is also reflective in how I approached my work teaching English to predominantly refugee adolescents —  survivors of trauma and torture. As a collective, their resilience and willingness to trust was a teaching in itself. It was a privilege and gift, to work with, and learn from them.

Gratitude, love and laughter connect people through what is common amongst our humanity; seeking understanding beyond cultural and linguistic differences.

However, there was certainly plenty of attack style defending; an outcome of working in a mainstream education system that marginalised these students through the constant politicisation of education. The Howard government’s 2001 Tampa Affair, being one of a plethora of examples. Another failing government distracting the public with mainstreaming the discourse of racist slurs and policy which further fuelled hate violence in Australia. Adding another layer of anguish to already traumatised students.

Recent arrivals to Australia, they mainly landed via dilapidated fishing boats orchestrated by people smugglers operating from Indonesia. We-teachers became adept in facilitating connection with experts in the field of refugee related trauma. We also served as adult advocates for the many students who arrived without parents; without family.

Some students had spent months — minors in outback detention camps such as Woomera; imprisoned by the country where they were seeking refuge! Attack style defence was unfortunately a necessary part of the gig.

We may be conditioned and positioned for attack style defence. Do we always need to choose it?

Attack style defending can at times indicate an absence of presence to the very person seeking love, acceptance and validation — in sharing their trauma experiences — their grief. This type of conditioned response can also present in adult peer-type situations; where the person sharing has an independent autonomy and agency with the person listening.  

Expressing grief is personal, private and intimate — and this includes when we put it out there.

In my work and personal life — and private self —  I have learned that gratitude, love and laughter are gifts of grief. I have learned to listen and feel the frequency of my grief, and other’s grief. In the sharing of one’s despair is a request to be heard; and perhaps there is a gift in an active present silence when listening?

Once upon a time ...

I was well educated into an ignorance about self. I had spent my life busying myself in advocating for students, family and friends — without heeding enough attention to my own inner self — a typical trauma response, so my GP proclaimed. Thus, she hand-balled me to a psych and we began a collaboration in exploring the child-adolescent-adult self.

I sense that perhaps the counselling aimed to diminish trauma related grief as a means to better help me regulate my emotional self when triggered, though I am not too sure that about that as a stand-alone approach? The child-adolescent self was more or less relegated to the past — there. Despite impacting my adult notion of self, the child-adolescent was not invited to be present in the now.

By the way, advocating for others continued; attaining a better understanding of my own trauma triggers didn’t change the love and dedication that drove those choices. However I practised setting more realistic boundaries for myself — developing a healthier self-worth.

John’s subsequent illness and death spring-boarded me into soul searching — seeking.

The revelation has been recognising and accepting that the wounded inner child, the angry adolescent and the capable adult Simone are all, in their essence — the divine inner child. The child was not always feeling wounded and the adolescent not always feeling angry. Nor did I want to dilute or diminish the grief; in any of these aspects of self.

The divine inner child is our birthright and thus is keeper of the aspect of our soul that birthed this human incarnation. Bringing her out of dormancy and opening my heart to her has enabled her to lead my recovery — primarily through a profound engagement with nature.

In the aftermath of John’s death and my subsequent soul seeking, our Earth-Mother has listened and responded with a love and grace that continues to astonish me. I first wrote about this in The Universal Song; capturing the essence of her connection through vibration and song. Unbeknown to me at the time, She was listening to an unanticipated melt-down I was having about the loss of John. Being the only person on the beach, I assumed I was alone — though I was surrounded by sentient beings who were listening. She was absorbing and holding that grief frequency, as per her nurturing want and grace.

Our Earth-Mother is alert to our needs and always responds with an embracing love and grace. This does not always equate with a soft breeze; she best knows how our body needs to feel hers.

This is what She has taught me about listening to grief.

When someone has strength enough to expose their despair in their vulnerability — listen. Really listen — open your heart — shut your mouth and listen — with your body. Feel what someone is sharing with you — hold their grief and them — with acceptance — just as She holds us. Please hold your own grief with the same grace. As with a lot of things, the old adage applies here too.

She works in unison with Universal Law and the other realms in which we simultaneously exist. She collaborates with all dimensions and beings.

Grief’s function in recovery is therefore remembrance and recognition of our expansive self, our soul.  Our soul, whose essence is unconditional love; for we are not of this physical plane — remember? Our human body carries one aspect of our soul; for our body belongs with Mother-Earth. We are the colours, shapes, flavours and textures of her landscape and her other sentient beings.

So, who best represents that of which is our essence in this physicality — our inner child. And what does any child want to do — play. And who best supports and nurtures that play — Nature. Our Earth-Mother’s gift to us is nature. She accepts and loves us unconditionally; and She listens for our call — She is unwavering.

Petering on the precipice of Spring, my inner-child wanted to take me out to play this week. She wanted me to get a last taste of the Winter waves, so off we went to Lorne. She knew I needed to be embraced by Our Mother.

You see, the Earth is here to mother our human aspect; to soothe and provide for us; to humour and play with us; to share her beauty and wonder. She is not for us to pillage. It is for us to understand she supports our soul’s desire for this human experience. She wants us to understand; connect with all her sentient beings; to be an ambassador. She accepts the all of us; without judgement.

So, when I say I defer to my soul, I actually defer to her representative — my inner-child. She knows me best and knows what’s best for me. My inner-child is the wisdom keeper as she resides in my soul, in my heart chamber — like a matryoshka doll. She actually parents the adult me in many ways; she has accepted the whole human-ness of my being; with a gentle grace. She is my soul’s messenger.

While we are not of this Earthly Plane; Mother Nature is the Universe’s gift of our desire for the sensory experience of a human life. As intimated in, Humanity Isn’t Trying To Evolve Out Of Here, such is Her gift we return thousands of times with the same energy-signature of our soul.

As such, we don’t really have a higher-self; we have a more expansive self — our Soul. Our Earth Mother’s additional gift to us is that She is able to hold all of the  vibrational frequency of our grief related trauma. She invites us to steep this energy into her being — She is equipped for such a task. She wants to hold that energy for us, in holding us. She listens with her body and responds in body.

She doesn’t tell us what to do, She shows us what to do — She teaches us how to listen. She knows we only take from this plane what is our essence, unconditional love. In her unconditional love — She holds our space, for She knows we will return.

To those in this community who have supported my own slipping – sliding – climbing emotional routine for the last 7 months whilst sharing on this platform; a sincere and grateful thank you for offering a validating and safe community — for sharing and learning — for self and others.

With love and gratitude, my learning continues.

John and team, thank you for the guidance. I love you.

Mother Earth – Bless You, Thank you!

And so it is.

The Silent Inheritance Our Lifeblood

There is nothing

to discern

in allowing your body

to feel into

—       listening —

leaning into

your be-ing.

When we listen

to feel

Universal Wisdom

we intuit

—       truth —

from our expansive self

our Soul.

When the egoic fear

of our human-ness

weeps a mournful cry

our Earth-Mother

emits a vibrational

frequency of loving

—       acceptance —

an enveloping

cradling embrace.

A nurturing whisper

that we might take

—       a breath —

to reconnect with

the rhythm

of Her body

—       Our Body —

Holding a mirror of

outward terrain which

speaks to our inwardness.

A call to notice

Her sentient messengers

a songful pause

—       to silence —

Her offer perhaps to

spy a mischief

of fairies frolic amongst

fields of tilting grass

whilst propped against

the guardianship

of a tree?

Perhaps to rumble

in the wintry waves?

Perhaps to sit

silently and feel

the Sun seep

its orange tinge

through translucent eyelids?

Her timeless invitation to

wonder a reimagining

through remembrance.

In loving recognition

of the bewildered

—       shadow self —

A beckoning to the

birthright of our be-ing.

Cushioning our

surrender and acceptance

to what is

—       eternal —

Soul’s essence of

unconditional love.

Wisdom keeper of the

—       heart chakra —

safe haven for

its energetic-body

and human lifeblood

—       the inner child —