Surrendering To The Silence

There is no greater motivation to practise meditation than the connections it provides with those loved ones who have crossed the veil.

An unusually flat Point RoadKnight beach last Thursday, so we enjoyed appreciating her from a clifftop walk.

As this post evolved, it became apparent that it would be a fitting part 2 to a previous post, How Grief Gifted Me An Abundance Of Gratitude. Not that you need to read that post before this one. I write each post so that they may be read independently. There will therefore, be some overlap in contextualising each post; so, if you are a regular reader I trust you will bear with me. Nevertheless, I include yet unwritten aspects in reiterating each context. I am being guided ... clearly there is more to say on gratitude. Thank you, I am grateful for you being here.

Research attests that a constant state of hypervigilance induces a concurrent deluge of stress hormones; hence draining the emotional, psychological and physical resources of those loved-ones caring for their chronically and terminally ill. 

A desire to attain some restorative sleep; escape the anticipatory fear; the grief ... bearing witness to the insidious cruelty of the disease; trying to mask my horror as to not to distress John ... he was the one with the terminal disease  ... was the collective pull; the impetus in seeking meditation for respite from my own mind. I was not trying to escape the task at hand; it was a privilege and honour to care for John so that he could die at home.  

I was trying to escape from myself; the spiralling trajectory of flash-forwards; my over-thinking, anxious mind. My exhausted body.

I am eternally grateful for the protecting light; the mystical experiences of unconditional love that were graciously bequeathed upon us in the months leading up to his death.

Every day, as I walked past a 70^th birthday photo of John’s mother resting on a bookshelf in our study, I asked, Jean, are you helping me look after John?  I trusted she was present; listening and assisting. The intent behind the question was, Can you help him die peacefully?

Around 7 months prior to John’s death, I visited a medium, friend ...  to ask her to tap into John’s guides, requesting their assistance in helping John to die peacefully at home. I have since come to understand, that in the asking it is given. This exchange is vibrational; to receive you need to be resonating; giving the matching vibrational intent of the desired, vibrational outcome ... those which we manifest as experiences. Unrelated fears aside, this asking was coming from a deep love, and what ensconced us were moments ... where the illness was in shadow.  We were saturated with an unconditional love, manifesting experientially in unspoken, silent, connections between John and I. Moments of presence.

In the wake of John’s peaceful death I continued to utilise meditation as a means to manage the toll. Despite the gifts in John’s illness, losing him, and turning off the hyper vigilant switch, for the first time in approximately 18 months ... I had a collapse of sorts. Meditation started to punctuate the day; an effort to quell the sensory overwhelm. Unbeknown to me at the time, I was honing my capability to open a portal.

My mother was living in a studio we purposely built for her. She was with us due to her own declining health. She didn’t deserve to die alone, was the tenor of the conversation John and I had when considering her needs; part of our tree-change planning 5 years prior. I remember Mum telling me soon after John’s death, this was meant to be, her living with us. I knew she was speaking from her own intuition, thus speaking truth. My mother believed in soul-groups, soul-contracts and the like. She had imparted this belief on my sister and I in our youth. Despite the trauma of John’s circumstances, I accepted ... knew ... from the onset that this chapter was part of the blueprint. I was in no space to dwell any further on that during his illness, with John, within myself.

I had sense enough to know the glimpses of magic that embraced us towards the end of John’s life were absolute. With intent, I began practising meditation to communicate with John and further seek the spirituality surrounding Universal Truths.

I didn’t quite recognise its totality at the time; through the escalating momentum, the expansion of unconditional love ... truth ... had sprung. I had received many physical signs from John … synchronicities … before I learned to connect with him through meditation. I continue to receive physical signs in the day-to-day of life, and his  spiritual guidance in meditation ... and writing ... he wants me to add!

It is this expanding momentum that enables and attunes interdimensional

communication. I experience this vibration as gratitude, a way of being.

Gratitude establishes a loving foundation from which to allow your soul to guide your human self when making choices; in how to respond to the dominant emotions you are experiencing. It is gratitude that opens a portal to the loving realm. It places you in a frequency where you resonate with the ethereal plane; where you can practise meditation, the key spiritual modality to access those portals.

Universal Laws are permanent. Universal Truths are not about judgement, Alignment is vibrational, not conceptual.

How gratitude expands energetically, in its momentum to manifest signs and experiences, renders me speechless … just a WOW, every time. The love expands from within, that’s where I feel my energy, the guides energy, John’s energy, ancestral energy. It is hard to describe; it feels like this loving energy is going to explode out of me. I call this energy gratitude, it can bring tears; a humbling type of grace. It emanates from within, overflowing to surround me, like being in an energy bubble. This is the physical indication that I am in the space to receive a sign; both in the day-to-day and in meditation.

When I am feeling disgruntled or agitated, I know I am not a vibrational match for meditation as a means for interdimensional communication. Interestingly, I can still receive physical signs ... I am not in control of John’s energy and his quirky sense of humour! Nor my mother’s! I am surely grateful for the playful indulgences though. More on those in future posts!

Often, when I need to re-centre my energy I will practise sitting in the exquisite non- silence of nature. This too, is a meditative practice. She offers a non-judgemental, nurturing backdrop to be silent and immerse yourself in her, whether surfing, sitting, walking. She will let you know she has noticed you; she invites you to toy with your senses, in hers ... she is the mother who knows best ... she will give you the love and attention you need in a moment. She teaches me presence.

If I can’t catch a wave on my paddle board, then she is teaching me in that moment it is better for me to be immersed in her waters. I lie on the board, horizontal on the water, appreciating the alternative perspective; observing the spray flicking off the top of the waves as they roll over the shore break. There’s a water sprite dancing in each of those droplets. My inner child is engaged; in an instant Gaia has transported me to a place of gratitude, of being, of presence. This is an example of instances where I have unwittingly accessed the guiding support of my spirit team ... a memory might pop in, a song might start playing in my head. I feel their energy, I know I am not alone. I might look up and notice the clouds, silver gulls gliding the wind currents; a sign, guidance that is often clarified in a future mediation.

I stand on the board and feel that internal swell of company; it blends with her swell ... even when her current pulls this novice of the back of her board, on a nearly caught wave! She offers me an alternate perspective of her swell. She is imparting her wisdom. In that rush of salty coldness, in retrieving my board with a hefty tug on my leg rope, racing to straddle it, Gaia dumps me with the next wave in the set. I laugh and swallow the briny sea as water sprites continue their merry dance atop the waves. She soothes my disgruntlement, cleansing any stuck energy. I speak with her, I thank her, I love and respect her. I trust that in her giving to me, she has received the energy of my love and gratitude for her.

And so it is.

I am reposting a poem from February. It was written in October 2021. It speaks to the context of this post; meditation and the spiritual guidance and connection it affords. This poem is a message from John.

The Silence Seeker

Seek to listen to the silence ...

Beyond the shadowy comfort of the clouds,

Lie gateways to the realms of truth ...

Of the Eternal.

Listen to the inner silence ...

And you will hear I am never absent,

I am but a thought away ...

Ever present in your subconscious slumber.

Lie still and feel the healing silence ...

Massaging your heart, vibrations of our soul,

For I am the silence ...

Of our Oneness.